Coffee With Cote'

Wednesday, May 5, 2021


What’s the secret to living longer? Not getting sick or older.  Unfortunately both of these are inevitable and with the pandemic that has consumed the planet this past year and a half, this takes up a ton of our head-space.

So what’s the secret to keeping a happy, healthier, state of being right now?  Well if your thoughts immediately turned to tackling the next jigsaw puzzle or waiting for that next Sudoku to drop in the local paper, let me share another thought.

Many studies have been done on both longevity and increased happiness in life through the benefits of companionship for both men and woman.  Humans belong together, to grow together, to live together and to be together but during times like this when one lock down rolls to the next, even togetherness can be challenged.

If this sounds a little familiar to what you may have been experiencing, here is a Coffee with Cote’ cheat sheet to help get your relationship in a better place…

  1. Being Good not Being Good (or the same): they say opposites attract and when you look at whom you are with and reflect back to the early days, chances are it was these opposites that connected you in the first place. 

    So maybe try acceptance and start letting go of some unrealistic expectations you are placing on your partner.  Who knows, once you let go, they may just be more likely to listen and change in a positive direction.

  2. Hit the pause button – a ten minute reset:  My father-in-law would tell me when he was really upset with someone, he would write a letter put it in his desk drawer and read it the next day, which typically lead to him throwing it away.

    With the added anxiety through these lock-down times, this can take an already shorter fuse turn to anger really fast.  Some good news here is that nearly 70% of problems between couples aren’t issues that need to be resolved, they just need to be talked about.

    This one is really hard for me and although the likeliness of writing a letter has come to pass, maybe borrowing a page from the sports playbook where timeouts are key to gaining victories might help.

  3. A little sugar:  As sugar makes things taste better so too can sincere praise be to improving one’s wellbeing.  It’s difficult not to fall into the trap of taking your partner for granted when you have been together for a long time that today might feel a bit Covid-longer.  Although most of us already know that giving praise and being respectful is just good common sense, this one thing is especially important during challenging times. 

    Being grateful can have a positive ripple effect as research shows that the more appreciative you are in turn makes your partner more appreciative to you.  As this gains momentum your empathy towards one another grows and further reduces stress levels both inside and outside your relationship.

  4. A little spice & the Cabernets of Wines:  Maybe a little foreshadow here for a future Coffee with Cote’ and when all else fails, borrow a page from the early days and those first few dating moments.  Take time and block time for a special night out and a stroll down memory lane.  In doing so, think of it as a back to the future type night and just enjoy the ride.